funny Hetalia stories
by CrazyCookies48
Summary: Just a bunch of random short stories (keep in mind, I said random, so don't be surprised by it's craziness) and it's just supposed to be, well, funny!
1. Chapter 1

**Ok guys, I'm feeling bored and want to write, so I'm just going to write these little short (hopefully funny) stories that make no sense, and are just random. Hope you like it.**

Chapter one: 'Japan the saint'

Italy woke up; happy he got a good night's sleep.

"Wow! I fell awesome! I bet its super early and I'll be, like, the first one to get up, and—" Italy was interrupted by the sound of a tea pot hitting the floor.

"Shit!" Japan said, staring at Italy in his PJ's, siting up in his bed.

"What?" Italy asked looking a Japan innocently.

"God- I was supposed to wake you up this morning!" Japan said, frustrated.

"Yeah, and I'm up. Ve~!" Italy said, turning a little towards Japan.

"Yeah, and its 1:30 PM!"

"I thought it was early…"

"Cause' you usually wake up at 3:00 PM!"

"Why do you have to wake me up, anyway?" Italy asked.

"Um…"

*Japan thinking of a flash back*

"Hey, Japan?" Germany asked, fully clothed in a soldier's uniform asked as he walked into the living room at 7:30 AM.

"Yeah?" Japan asked sitting in front of the TV, eating (is that sushi? You're eating sushi for breakfast Japan…really?) Well, eating sushi, wearing Pikachu slippers, red PJ pants, a 'gotta catch em' all!' Pokémon T-shirt, and (oh my god, really Japan?) watching 'Dragon ball-Z' on the TV,

"Um, I…" Germany began, but, just then Japan realized what was happening and quickly turned the TV off, threw the plate of sushi somewhere behind him, and covered all of his body except for his head up with a blanket.

"How may I assist you, Germany-san?" Japan asked with about as much dignity as he had left.

"Did I just see what I think I did?"

"No."

"I think I did."

"No you didn't."

"I'm pretty sure you did."

"Please, Germany. You're delusional."

"Japan, I know what I saw."

"fuck."

"You watch Dragon ball-Z?" Germany asked, trying not to laugh.

"Ok, Germany what do you want for this not to leave the room? Money, a promise, drugs?" Japan asked loosening up.

"Well, if you're asking, there-wait, what was that last one?" Germany asked

"Stuffed animals, I asked if you wanted me to buy you stuffed animals." Japan responded with a straight face,

"Right, well… I do have a more advanced training course for fully trained soldiers I have to get to, but I still need you and Italy to get trained. And since you're a fully grown, serious ma—" Germany cut himself off with laughter as Japan rolled his eyes.

"Yes?" Japan asked

"Yeah, yeah. Um, you wake up Italy at 8:30 AM, and go out on the training course till, like, 1:00 PM?" Germany asked.

"Yeah, I can do that." Japan responded.

"Ok, have fun with your kids show." Germany said, walking out the door.

"It's not a kids show, it has many life morals!" Japan yelled, as Germany closed the door behind him.

"Alright." Japan said as he turned the TV on. "Now it's just you and me Goku." Japan said, leaning in toward the screen.

*end of Japan's flash back thought*

"Well, obviously, Italy, it's because I'm an amazing person, why else?" He said, as if t were a completely normal thing. "But I was, um, so busy, um, reading to blind orphans, that I forgot and you slept in, which by the way is completely you're fault." Japan said looking another direction.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I should have been reading to blind orphans." Italy said looking down.

"Well, not everyone can be a saint like me." Japan said.

"Now, Italy, I know this is completely out of my nature, but, can we tell Germany we trained today? And can you get ready quick cause he comes home at 2:00 PM?" Japan asked "I mean, it's what the blind orphans would have wanted." Japan said.

"Ve~! OK!" Italy said, jumping out of bed to get ready."

Japan slumped a little, letting out a breathe of relief. "Thank god—I mean, Buddha!" Japan said, quickly walking away.

*that night they all ate dinner together*

"So, how was training?" Germany asked.

"Great! Especially since we didn't have any!" Italy said, excitedly.

Japan then moved his plate a little, so he could face-palm.

Germany was good at keeping his emotions in control, so, without changing his facial expression, turned to Japan.

"So…how was that episode of Dragon Ball-Z?"

**How was it? I know it's really random, and it takes place (if you were wondering) as if they all live together, and yes, the allies all love together too, (like roommates) Please, please, please, review! **

**TOMATES!  
**

**PurpleNinja. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, so some of you guys reviewed for the first chapter (thanks to everyone who reviewed!) and all of the comments made me feel all warm, and fuzzy, and shit! So I'm gonna write another chapter! Hope you enjoy ;)**

Chapter two: 'How do I make you feel better?!'

Prussia and Spain ran side by side down the road, and didn't slow down until they got to France's house. They were the three besties: Spain, Prussia, and France; the BTT (Bad Touch Trio). They were determined that, whatever was wrong with France (which was a lot to begin with) they were going to fix it.

"Compadre?! Are you, like, ok?!" Spain asked as he busted in the door way, not even a second after, Prussia ran in behind him.

"Are you dead? Is there a fire? I brought a first aid kit!" Prussia yelled, as he stepped in front of Spain.

"Hey, amigo, that's a play first aid kit, everything in here is fake." He said, rummaging through it.

"Yeah, of course. Who has real ones? If an awesome person, like, brakes their face, they should be able to live through it. You know, if they really are awesome." Holding his head up high as if he'd followed this rule all through his life.

"That explains a lot about you." Spain said, running over to France. "You k, bro?" Spain asked, shuffling him a bit.

"I'm sad." France said.

"Um, why?" Prussia and Spain asked in unison.

"I'm having a bad hair day." France said, sitting up a bit to reveal and blonde, French afro.

"ai, caramba." Spain said, looking a bit closer.

"I can't leave the house, and have nothing to do!" He said, flopping down on his pillow.

"No need to fear, Prussia (and Spain) is here!" Prussia said, grabbing his car keys. "We'll go out and buy some super awesome stuff to do at home, and we'll have a totally awesome lazy day!" Prussia said, excitedly.

"K." France said, pulling the blanket over himself.

*meanwhile, with America, Japan, and Britain*

"Dude, come on! You're sick?!" America said, looking at a weak Britain.

"Well, let's go get some stuff and throw a kick-ass sick day!" Japan said, grabbing his keys.

"Totally!" America said, following Japan out the door.

"Wait, I don't want a kick-ass sick da—" Britain began, but was cut off by Japan slamming the door.

So, with their luck, Japan, Prussia, Spain, and America ended up at the _same _supermarket at the _same _time. (-_-)

"Sooooo, what do we buy?" America asked walking into the store.

"Tea? He likes tea, right?" Japan asked turning down an aisle.

"Yeah, and teas tea, right? Like, how hard can it be—" America stopped at the long, long, _long _aisle of tea, with _many_ different brands.

"D-do you know any t-thing about tea?" Japan asked America.

"I-I dumped some of it in a harbor once, if that's what you mean." America responded.

"Shit."

*Prussia and Spain*

"Wine." Spain retorted at Prussia, as they argued on the drink they would buy.

"Beer." Prussia said back.

"Wine."

"Beer."

"Wine."

"Beer."

"…wine." Spain whispered.

"…Beer." Prussia said back slowly.

"….wine…"

"…beer…"

*America and Japan's situation*

"Should we buy this one? It smells nice!" America said, throwing a scented tea at Japan.

"Ow! And, no! This one's red and white! It's obviously smarter, mature, and cooler than the others!" Japan yelled at America.

"This one smells like burgers!" America said, handing a tea bag to Japan.

"It supposed to be vanilla!" Japan yelled back.

"Who gives a fuck, it's burgers!" America said.

*meanwhile, what was happening with Spain and Prussia*

"Ok! We decided on the very complex decision of _both_ wine _and _beer. Now we need a few more things, um how about some vanilla ice cream?" Prussia suggested as they walked down the ice cream aisle.

"But I like chocolate."

"fuck!"

*With America and Japan*

"I swear to god, Japan, this is the same brand tea I dumped in the harbor!" America yelled.

"That's _impossible_, that was like, one hundred years ago!"

"How would I know if they like to preserve hundred year old tea?!" America asked

"Oh my god, America."

*Meanwhile, what Prussia and Spain were dealing with*

"Hey, Spain? Do you think that old lay works here?" Prussia asked, walking a little near her.

"amigo, she probably just has similar colored clothes." Spain said.

"Antonio, please, who would wear _that _with_ that_, without being forced to? They tot clash." Prussia said, walking near her.

"I wonder about you…" Spain said.

"Hey, excuse me ma'am?" Prussia asked sweetly to the old lady.

"Yes, sweetheart?" She asked.

"Do you know where the 'XXX' movies are?"

*in Japan and America's situation*

"OH MY GOD, WHAT DO WE DO?!" America yelled at Japan

"I DON'T KNOW." Japan said, peeping his head out from a pile of tea bags, since he'd been looking through _all _of them.

*Prussia and Spain, too, have problems*

"OK, so she didn't work here." Prussia admitted, walking down the store, holding his hand over his throbbing cheek, after a, _certain_,old women had slapped him with a purse.

"I told you, amigo." Spain said as they finished checking out, and walked out the door. They go to their car, and drove to France's house.

"Heyyyy, we got things!" Spain joyfully yelled as he walked in the house.

"Oh, hey, what did you ge—oh god, Prussia, what happened to you face?!" France asked, astonished.

"Bad fashion sense, France. That is what happened to my face." Prussia said.

*and, as Japan and America _finally _arrived at Britain's house*

"WE DIDN'T KNOW WHICH TEA TO BUY, SO WE BOUGHT ALL OF THEM." America and Japan said as they opened the door, and the house flooded with hundreds of tea bags.

**Was it good? Sorry, I know it was REALLY hard to follow, but hopefully you got it and though it was relatively funny **** Please, please, please, review!**

**TOMATES!**

**Cookie, **


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so, this chapter will have some yaoi in it, k? I'm SO sorry if you don't like yaoi, and if you don't, please, then just don't read this chapter. But PLEASE don't stop reading this FanFic, I PROMISE this won't become a regular thing. It's just ONE chapter, okay?! I'm SO sorry for the non-yaoi fans, you're still amazing!**

Chapter three: 'OH MY GOD, REALLY?'

Italy walked up to Germany holding a first-aid kit. _Wow, Germany. You're a professional at getting battle wounds. _Italy thought as he saw Germany's wounds.

"How did it get this bad?" Italy asked, sitting the kit down.

"You know…fighting…and….stuff." Germany said as Italy rolled his eyes.

"Why do you do this? You don't even _have _to fight in Italy, yet you come here, and risk your health? For what?" Italy asked, confused.

"You, Italy. No matter what it takes, I am _going _to protect you." Germany said. Huh? _That was so sweet. _Italy thought. Germany is _never _sweet. But Italy liked it. Italy didn't know what to say, and was happy Germany didn't make him.

"_Italy…_" Germany whispered, leaning towards Italy face. Italy's heart best was going '_doki, doki_' you know, beating fast. Germany got closer, and then kissed Italy.

Italy didn't know why Germany was doing this, but he didn't care, he leaned back into Germany, kissing back. Germany wrapped his arms around Italy, pulling him in, so now Italy was sitting on his lap. Italy sat down, then wrapping his arms around the blond, muscular nations neck. Italy ran his hands through Germany's hair, messed up, sun colored, un-gelled hair. Germany pulled back from kissing Italy and leaned further in, and kissed his ear, then under it, then his neck, and kissed him all the way down to the end of his shoulder. Then, Germany wrapped his fingers around the collar of Italy's T-shirt, slowly trying to pull it off, while kissing Italy's chest. Italy, his arms still wrapped around Germany's neck, his eyes closed, looking up at the ceiling breathing moderately hard, moaning and saying Germany's name under his breath. Italy felt amazing, like he'd wanted Germany to touch him all his life, and now that it was happening it felt great, and wonderfully slow.

"_I love you_." Germany whispered into Italy's ear, as he ran his hand up Italy's shirt.

He woke up.

"Yo! Italy! Wake the hell up, it's freakin' breakfast time! And I'm _not _letting the same thing happen _twice_." Japan said, throwing a manga book at Italy's mad and confused face.

"What's up with you?" Japan asked, "you look like you're favorite anime series just ended in a question."

"It was a dream…it was a FREAKIN' dream, god damn it!" Italy said, then screaming into a pillow.

"What's happening?" Germany asked, walking up to Italy's room, wearing a uniform.

"Mmm, I know what this is, '_sexual frustration_'" Japan said "*cough* for your German ally named Ludwig *cough*" Japan continued, about to run away.

"How did you know?" Italy asked.

"WAIT, WHAT?" Germany asked, turning to Italy.

**I know, I know, it had some MAJOR yaoi, and it wasn't THAT funny at the end, but it's the best I can do, I'm having some writers block, and can't think of anything at the point, sorry, I know it's in NO WAY a real chapter, barely a paragraph, but it's all I can do at the point. Please don't be mad, I hope it's sufficient. Thanks for reading!**

**TOMATES!**

**Cookie, **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, so, sorry for not writing in FOREVER, but I couldn't come up with any ideas, but goy TONS of help with that from Megan Snow , I owe them a lot **

Italy flipped the channels as he sat on the couch, his brother throwing everything in the kitchen around, looking for food.

"Feliciano, where is the **ing food?!" Romano yelled, throwing ketchup at the wall behind him.

"Stop throwing everything, jeez! And, funny thing about being hungry, you have to eat the food, Roma." Italy said, turning around in his couch, to look at Romano.

"Actually, I want alcohol. You have wine? I want to get drunk, Feli." Romano said, looking in the pantry.

"What?! You can't just ask stuff like that, Roma. And, whatever, do what you want." Italy said, turning to watch TV.

"Oh, come on, Feliciano. It's one wine. It's not going to kill you. Jeez, lighten up." Romano said, pouring two cups of red wine.

"Well… ok, I guess…" Italy said, slowly standing up. "I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" Italy asked, with a small laugh.

ONE HOUR LATER…*

"You have a funny face" Italy said, between laughs, whale poking Romano's cheek.

"Hahaha, yeah…" Romano said, stumbling around. They were both definitely drunk. Japan walked in the front door, dropping a bag.

"Um…are you guys okay?" Japan asked.

"Yeah, yeah, were totally fine, girl." Romano said, almost falling on the floor.

"What's going on?" Germany asked, walking in.

"There's definitely something wrong with them." Japan said, eyes wide.

"No, Japan, there's something wrong with you. I mean, you like Greece." Italy said.

"What?! No! I do not!" Japan yelled, his face as red as a tomato.

"No, no. He likes Britain, yeah, yeah, he's been with Britain." Romano responded.

"No, no. Wasn't it America?" Italy asked.

"What?! Stop making me sound like a gay **!" Japan yelled, slapping Italy on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Italy yelled, holding his head with his hands.

"Okay, okay, let's not get violent." Germany said, holding back Japan.

"Calm down, yodeler." Romano said.

"What?! I don't yodel!" Germany said.

"Yes you do, I wish you didn't, but you do."

"Yeah, you do Germany." Italy agreed

"Italy!"

"You yodel?" Japan asked.

"No! Nobody here is a yodeler, or a gay **, okay?" Germany asked.

"Well, now that were speaking our minds, Italy looks kinda like a ballerina." Japan said.

"What?!" Italy yelled.

"You do have the posture for it." Romano said.

"Nobody here is a ballerina…except for France." Germany said silently.

"And don't you forget it!" France said, doing a ballerina jump from the window, a split, and ballerina jumping out the back window.

"…he scares me…" Romano whispered.

"Well, if I'm a ballerina, then Japans into little kid animes!" Italy said, pointing a Japan.

"Italy, I said not to tell anyone that!" Japan yelled.

"You are?" Germany asked.

"Shut up!"

This went on for hours…*

"My head is pounding…" Italy said in pain, as he grabbed his head from under his pillow.

"Mine too…" Romano said from the other side of the bed.

"I am never drinking again…" Italy whispered, pulling a pillow over his head.

"…I am…"

**Was it good? I know it's short, but I don't have a lot of ideas to write about, sorry! If you have any suggestions, please review, and tell me!**

**TOMATES!**

**Cookie,**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, so in this chapter, I'm bringing up a new character: North Korea. I'm not sure if I'm ever gonna use him as a character again, or for this chapter. If you want me to use him more, tell me in the reviews ;). And, he's South Korea's twin, so he looks basically the same, with no curl, though, and a war uniform outfit. Hope you like it!  
**

Chapter four: 'What's he like?"

"Annyeong! My name is South Korea, and I wanna tell you about my brother, North Korea…you see, my brother is a little…weird." South Korea said.

"For example, the other day, he had a little temper tantrum when America was around."

*flashback*

America- "Sup'?"

N. Korea: Are you threatening me? I HAVE NUKES AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE EM'!

*end of flashback*

"And, there was that other time…" S. Korea explained.

*Flashback*

"Ahhh, I fucking hate America, god damn it!" N. Korea said.

"Hey, ya' know what? I'm hungry. Go to China and get me some Mcnuggets." Kim Jong-un said to a soldier.

"Yes sir…but can we afford that?" He asked.

"I dunno, their dollar menu is pretty pricey." Another soldier, added.

"Oh my god…" N. Korea said.

*end of flashback* 

"Not to mention, he has a bad habit of making threats whenever he loosed to someone…" South Korea added.

*flashback*

"I win; now give me your Pikachu card." Japan demanded.

"What? Hell no! I BOMB YOU!" N. Korea shouted.

*End of flashback*

"Also, he's a very solitary person, and he doesn't get out much…"

*flashback*

"Aniki! Come on, you've been in your room for three weeks?" South Korea yelled to his brother through a closed door.

"I don't have to come out. Not if I don't want to." North Korea responded.

"Come on, don't you wanna make friends?" South Korea asked.

"People are stupid. North Korea no like. People confuse N. Korea. N. Korea prefer Tumblr, where people no judge."

"Tumblr followers don't count!"

"YOU SHUT YOUR FACE, THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO NORTH KOREA!" N. Korea yelled back.

"Aniki, you're talking in 3rd person, again!" S. Korea yelled.

"N. Korea no understand what you mean."

"I fucking quit."

*end of flashback*

"And sometimes, he scares me..." S. Korea said, shivering a little.

*Flashback*

*covered in weapons* "I don't need friends" *twitch* "I'LL JUST KILL CIVILIZATION!" N. Korea yelled.

*end of flashback*

"He's a bit odd, yes, but I love him, ya' know?" South Korea asked.

"uhhh…yeah, so, why do I care?" Japan asked, sitting at the meeting table, eating sushi, looking at South Korea with a bored expression.

**I know, it was weird and different, but I hope you guys liked it ;)**

**TOMATES!**

**Cookie, **


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, I'm just going to say it. Sorry if this sucks. I want to do this, but I'm not sure if it'll turn out good or not. My ideas kind of suck -_-**

_Chapter 6: 'how is this happening?'_

Japan bit into a Big Mac. Or, at least, tried to.

"You know, American food isn't half bad. I'm mean, sure it's cover in grease, there are like three patties on this thing, the people who made this are probably pubescent, lonely, boys, and this burger will probably cause my young death, but hey! At least it tastes moderately good." Japan said, eating more McDonald's fries.

"Um…I guess" Italy said.

"Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh…this tastes like shit." Germany said, putting down his burger.

"Why? Does it remind you of you and Italy's first date that went terribly wrong?" Japan asked.

"Oh my god, Japan. How many times do I have to tell you, we've never been on a date." Germany responded.

"Well, the first time we met, we ate McDonalds." Italy said.

"We did?"

"Mhm."

"It was…?"

"What? Oh my god, Germany. How can you not remember the day we met?" Italy said.

"What, am I supposed to?" Germany asked.

"Uh, yeah!"

"What was it? Like, uh, January 4th?" Germany asked.

"No." Italy said, walking away.

"Why do I have to remember? Were not dating!" Germany yelled.

"Well" Japan said, finishing a Big Mac, large Coke, and fires. "If I were you, I'd buy him some nice chocolates, and flowers."

"WERE NOT DATING."

"That's what you think" Japan said, walking away.

"Italy! Wake up, training!" Germany yelled, from outside Italy's room. But Italy sat there, starring at the wall, purposely looking away from Germany.

"Um, Italy?" Germany asked.

"Hey, Japan?" Italy.

"Yeah?" Japan asked, reading a manga.

"Can you tell Germany that I'm not speaking to him, but I'll be present at today's training." Italy said.

"Um, well…ok, Germany—"

"I heard what he said."

"Hm." Italy said, sticking up his nose to Germany.

"Are you fucking kidding me...?" Germany murmured, walking away.

"You, know" Japan said, running up to Germany "He's not going to get over this irrational anger, and I don't really blame him."

"Why? We're not freaking dating, what did I do?"

"You're very forgetful, I mean, you never even buy my flowers anymore." Japan said, beginning to walk away.

"I never bought you flowers!" Germany yelled. As Japan ran away.

"Hey, Japan, what's wrong? Where you running to?" America asked, as Japan ran by.

"He never loved me!" Japan yelled.

**Ok, I know it sucked, and it was short. But I'm trying to think of a good chapter, but since that might take a while, I thought I should give you guys something, even if it did suck. Hope you guys don't hate it too much. Again, sorry.**

**TOMATES!**

**Cookie,**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, the last chapter sucked, and I was trying to think of this chapter. But, it's me, so don't expect A LOT, I just wasn't sure how to word this. And, to be honest, I still don't, but I'll try. Hope you guys like it (^_^)**

_Chapter 7: 'Dude! What did I do?!'_

America walked into the meeting room, mostly everyone was just fighting about stupid shit, as usual. But America mostly caused those stupid fights, and then left them to go cause more somewhere else. He sat down, not where he usually sits, but just cause he felt like it.

He turned to see someone he'd never really seen before. He had black hair, and he was Asian. He was wearing a military uniform, and he was very short. He had sort of a rounded face, and he wore sharp glasses. Funny, America had never really noticed him before…Yay! New friend!

"Sup' Bro? My names The United States of America. But, just call me America." America said with a smile.

"Fuck off." The guy said, shuffling some papers.

"What did I say?"

"Something."

"Dude, what's your problem? I didn't even catch your name." America said.

"Maybe that's because I didn't even tell you, and I most certainly didn't throw it in your direction, if it were an animate object, for you to catch." The man said, now looking at America.

"Ok, I get it. You're into logic. What your name, then?" America asked.

"North Korea, ring a bell? If not, then you're as stupid as I assumed you to be. And I, as I had predicted, do not want to have a conversation with you. Now leave." North Korea said.

"Oh…North Korea. You're not mad about that war thing, are you?" America asked with a smile.

North Korea's eye twitched. He began to tap his fingers, and then did breathing exercises. "I.." He began. "may, be…" He managed to say.

"Dude, take a chill pill. And, also, that was a long time ago, can't we forget about it? And, I may be stupid, but I'm fun. And Canada says my stupidity can be funny!" America yelled, with a smile.

"You…you know what…?" North Korea said.

"Huh?" America said, since he didn't catch what he said.

"I BOMB YOU!" North Korea said, standing up at the table pointing his finger to the center of America's face. He then got up and walked to the door, still pointing at him.

"And, in case you were confused, this is a threat. For, uh…war, and…stuff. So, uh…be scared." North Korea, said walking out of the meeting hall. No one was fighting anymore they were all staring at America, concerned. The only one who wasn't was America.

America sat down to eat lunch with Canada. "Hey, sup'?" America asked, sitting next to Canada.

"Oh, hey. How are things, getting a nuclear threat, and all." Canada asked.

"Uh…cool, I guess."

"You're not scared…at all?" Canada asked

"Well, uh…" America started, picking up a pack of Mentos and holding it next to a soda can. "I have Mentos and Coca-Cola. Currently, I'm five times stronger than the North Korean government."

"Well—" Canada started. "…Dang it, you brought logic into this."

"Well," America said "Maybe if I bring a Big Mac to their chubby dictator, we'll be all cool."

"America…you know he probably already has one. I bet he, like, eats the country's food supply, and that's why the people have no food." Canada said.

"Yeah…you always make me feel better." America said, with a smile.

"Oi, mate! Can I join the _'Irrationally threatened by the North Korean government' _club?" Australia asked, walking up to them.

"He threatened you too?" Canada asked.

"Yep."

"God damn it, now I think he's threating everything that speaks English." America said.

"Hey! I haven't been threatened yet!" Canada said, with a bit of pride.

"You're next." North Korea said, as he walked by them, fast.

"mmmm…" Canada murmured, as he sinked lower into his seat

"Yeah' mate, be scared." Australia said, laughing.

"Hey, don't scare him. Come on' Canada. Whatever he has offer, I bet, like, one of my states could beat him. So, chill." America said, with a laugh.

"HOW THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU ALL SO CALM?" Britain yelled from across the room, throwing scones at them to get their attention.

"Oh my god, Britain! Those flavorless, dry rocks hurt, god damn it!" Canada said.

**I know it's kind of short, and very racist against the North Korean government…I hope they don't find this (._.). Hope you liked it!**

**PANDAS!**

**Every kind of, Cookie.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Well, I know I haven't posted a new story in a while, but it's because I am going to have the world worst internet for the next few weeks. So please don't get mad if I don't post for long periods of time, I haven't forgotten, I'm just trying to get a good enough internet signal to post the story. Please don't be mad, and enjoy this completely random chapter.**

_Chapter seven: 'This is why you give me a headache.'_

"I'm telling you, America" South Korea said, as he was walking to the meeting hall with America. They were both seeing who could keep a war head in their mouth the longest. "All the UN is, is a bunch of couples, a clusterfuck of them, fighting for each other."

"Dude, you're crazy." America said, making a sour face.

"You want to bet on it?"

"You're confident enough to bet on it?"

"Yes."

"Fine" America said. "I'm betting 20 bucks."

"Fine."

"Good." America said, spitting out the sour head in a nearby trash can.

"I win." South Korea said, opening the meeting door for America, "ladies first" he said, smiling.

America looked at him, giving back a sarcastic smile. "The bet begins." America said, sitting down at a meeting table. "Here"

South Korea walked over to him, still happy at his win on the war head game, and sat down next to him. "Hey, guys" South Korea started, his head held up high a little "I was wondering, is there anyone here who likes someone else that's here…that way?"

"Well…I mean….I like Germany." Italy said, looking his way.

"You know what? I like you too, Italy." Germany said.

"But you know, Ita-Chan has a nice ass." Prussia said.

"What?" Italy stuttered.

"Hey, Hungary! I bought you flowers." Austria said, walking up to her with a light smile.

"Awwww! Thank you, Austria." Hungary said, taking the flowers.

"Hey, back off my boyfriend, bitch." Prussia said, looking at Hungary.

"But I thought you said I had a nice ass." Italy said, looking at Prussia.

"Hey, Canada, you know how were brothers? I still have this undying love for you." America said.

"Me too, but there's also Cuba." Canada said.

"Fuck yeah." Cube muttered.

"You know what? Fuck it, I actually like Canada." Prussia said loudly.

"But I actually started liking you." Austria said, looking over at Prussia.

"Really?!"

"Lol, nope."

"I kind of like Greece." Japan said.

"Fuck yes." Greece said loudly.

"But I like you." China said.

"But I like you." Turkey said.

"But I like you." America said.

"But I like you" Britain said.

"FORGET I SAID A FUCKING THING." Japan yelled.

"Hey, Liet, I like, like you." Poland said.

"I like you too, Po." Lithuania said.

"It's good that no one interrupts their happy relationship." Finland said, smiling.

"Lol, no." Belarus said.

"I like y'ou wife." Sweden said.

"I like you too, Su-san." Finland said.

"Heeeeyyyyy, Finland." Denmark said.

"Fuck no." Finland yelled.

"I like you as more than an Onii-Chan, Iceland." Norway said.

"I don't like you like that, bro." Iceland said.

"The fuck you don't, bitch." Denmark yelled at Iceland.

"Aniki! I love you!" South Korea yelled, running up to China.

"Oh, fuck." China said.

"But I like China." Russia said.

"But Chinas so cute." France said.

"FML." China said.

"I hate you, France." Britain said.

"I hate you more." France responded.

"But I love you."

"I love you more."

"Hey, South Korea! Did you know that were a couple!" America yelled.

"I thought you like me!" Canada yelled at America.

"Hey, I think Italy, Japan and I should have a threesome." Germany said.

"I want my fucking twenty dollars." South Korea said.

**Sorry, was it too random? Too hard to follow? This was meant to be pure, random humor and not make any sense. Did you like it?**

**PANDAS! **

**Every kind of, Cookie.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok, sorry I haven't written in a while, but it was because I was in Brazil, and the internet there is TERRIBLE. But, I'm not there anymore, and I'm back with decent internet! So, I'll be posting chapters more frequently, again, sorry about the whole mess.**

_Chapter 9: 'A fun night out?'_

"So, like" Japan said, clutching a ticket for '_Monsters University_' in his hands. "We're going to see Monsters University, right?"

"No!" Italy said, standing beside him outside the theater. "I want to see _'Despicable Me 2'_"

"Italy why do want to watch any movie, except Monsters University?" Japan asked.

"Because Monsters are scary!" Italy said hiding behind Germany.

"Oh my god, Italy. How many times do I have to tell you? It's a freaking kid's movie, it's not scary!" Germany said to Italy pulling him out from behind him.

"Thank you, Germany! So were going to see it, then?" Japan asked.

"What? No." Germany said, looking at Japan. "I want to see _'Burn violence blood kill war time'_"

"Oh. My. God. Germany." Italy said, looking up at Germany. "There never was, and never will be a movie fucking named that, ok?"

"Uh, well….Italy?" Japan said, pointing up to a movie poster with the words _'Burn violence blood kill war time_' was written in blood, over a battle field and in the sky of the battle field was a rhino riding an eagle with an axe into a sea of blood.

"Um…well…it's, uh…" Italy began.

"HA! Now we have to watch my movie, because it's real and has a kick ass movie poster!" Germany said, pointing at Italy.

_*meanwhile the Allies were getting Ice Cream because they have no lives*_

"Ooh, ooh! I want this ice cream, its hamburger flavored!" America yelled.

"That sound revolting, America!" Britain said,

"You shut the fuck up, it's AMAZING." America said, buying it.

"Ok, so what does everyone want?" China asked, standing on a table.

"Awww, you little Cutie Pie! You're too short to do that, let me do it." Russia said.

"No! I. Got. This. Ok?" China said.

"I want the most beautiful ice cream, ok?" France said, looking at himself in a make-up mirror.

"I don't know which one that…—" China began.

"What's the point of that, Francis? You're just going to eat it!" Britain yelled.

"Oh, sure, you would think that way, you probably want a tasteless, hard, disgusting flavored one, right?" France asked, sticking his tongue out at him.

"Oh, I'm GOING to kill you!" Britain said, running towards him to tackle him, but half way through the run, he was picked up off the ground, still in running position, and now hovering above the ground.

"You tiny countries are so funny when you fight, da? I remember this when I kill you all." Russia said, holding up Britain.

"Stop being so fucking creepy commie bastard!" America yelled at Russia.

"I ignore America now, because he is an inferior race." Russia said, smiling.

"I don't know what that means, but it sounds insulting!" America yelled.

"could I maybe have the—" Canada began, but no one could hear him when everyone was silent, so now that America, Russia, Britain, and France were yelling, it was impossible to hear him.

"You know, I would actually like the–" Canada said again, but no one heard him.

"I actually want the maple–" He spoke even lower than before.

"I WANT THE MOTHERFUCKING MAPLE FLAVORED ICE CRAM, OK?" Canada asked.

**Was it good? I know it wasn't really that funny, I need to think of better jokes ****. But I'll have better ones next time, k?**

**PANDAS!**

**Every Kind Of,**

**Cookie.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, for this chapter, I got help with it. **_**Megan Snow**_**, helped me. She's awesome, go check-out her great stories! Ok, here we go,—**

_Chapter ten: 'there's nothing to talk about.'_

Japan sat the end of the table at the world meeting hall. They were here to talk about world problems, and potentially fix them, but, no one was saying anything. Not even America.

"Is there really _nothing _we can talk about?" Japan asked, breaking the silence.

"No, we'd be talking about it if there were." Italy said, laying his head down on the table.

"Are you sure?" Japan asked.

"Well…" Italy began, as he looked out the window to see poverty, a protest to end child and world hunger, some signs were also being held up about the lack of clean water in some countries. And beside them, was a gay pride parade. "…Nope…nothing to talk about here."

'Meh, your right." Japan said.

"You what we should do? Play Truth or Dare!" America said, popping up from his seat.

"Totally, that could _never _end badly!" Italy said, looking at America.

"Ok, dudes! Ok, who want to go first?" America.

"Um, I guess I could go…" Japan said. "America, truth or dare?"

"Truth!" America said.

"Um…what's your favorite color?" Japan asked.

"Triangle, so are you a virgin?" America asked.

"Um….I…uh…" Japan.

"Duh he is. What did you think, he's Japan." Germany said.

"You guys are jerks." Japan said.

"Ok, I want to do it!" France said.

"Of course you do, you're French." Britain said, not looking at France.

"Oh my god, Britain, you know what I meant by that." France said, "Ok, Italy. Truth or dare?"

"Well, um…truth, I guess." Italy said.

"Have you ever, been with Germany?" France asked, laughing with his trademark laugh.

"What?! He—" Germany began.

"No, no, no Germany. The question was for Italy." France said. "Ita-chan?"

"Well, Um…I…well….yes." Italy said quickly.

"What?!" Germany yelled.

"Next question! And make it not be sexual!" China yelled.

"Ok… um, well. Prussia, what's your favorite kind of beer?" Russia asked.

"YOU CAN'T ASK ME TO CHOOSE ONE FUCKING KIND? HOW, JAPAN? HOW?" Prussia yelled.

"Prussia, Prussia, calm down. Don't, don't over react—" Germany began.

"HOW?" Prussia yelled.

"Ok, next question." Italy said.

"Um…China. Truth or dare?" Japan asked.

"Truth." China said.

"Ok, when I went to your house, you had a bunch of puppies. Just puppies. What happens when they grow up?" Japan asked.

"They don't."

"….."

"Ok! That's enough of that! We can do truth or dare, um, never again!" America said. "The world meeting has officially come to an end, and I'll see you all in therapy."

**Ok, sorry it was short. I couldn't think of enough questions to ask that would have funny answers to them. I hope you all like this, though.**

**PANDAS!**

**Every Kind Of,**

**Cookie.**


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